To Eternity: Different Order

I fell before I realized I was falling. An endless pit of ache after ache. No end in sight for the hurt that consumes you from loving someone who can never be truly yours.

Like a self torture for wanting to be close to someone who is so far away. Making the payment with your heart until the only thing left is shattered feelings and tears.

I didn't mean for it to happen. It was building and building until I couldn't contain the blazing embers, bursting and taking over in a moment seared into my mind. But you returned, in that moment, everything I had felt thrice.

And now the lines are erased, staying invisible to our hungry, cheating eyes.

-&-

I want to feel ashamed, guilty.

Maybe some part of me needs to feel that way.

Words and small touches blurred the lines.

I started it. All I had to do was turn away -- like before and act like I wasn't walking away from something great.

Instead, I lunged forward, into the decent that surrounds us now. Knowing what I know and not caring because I want you so much that it's shriveled my morals to a point I don't care anymore. Not about hurting Grace.

This isn't me. I'm twisted round I can't fully understand what we've done.

-&-

"No you like him and you know you deserve him so that's why you don't feel guilty".

What makes someone deserve someone?

What makes someone deserve one more than another?

Do I deserve him? I might.

Has this been coming? For a long time.

Will I regret this? No, I don't think so.

Will I want to? I do right now.

-&-

...And this is how it begins.